Gun Control

Since I've spent so much time lately pissing off the right, I thought pissing off all those on the left today would be a refreshing change. (I'm an equal opportunity pisser offer.)

Let me begin by pointing out that I do not own a gun, have never owned a gun, and I seriously doubt I will ever own a gun. (I'm too cheap to buy one. Those damned things are expensive.)

However, after the recent massacre at Virginia Tech, I know there is going to be a new and much louder cry to abolish guns. And I think that's a great idea.

All we have to do is pass another frigging law and all our troubles will go away.

Look at how effectively we've eradicated drugs just by making them illegal. There's no longer any prostitution because prostitution violates the law. And no one commits rape, murder, robbery, or theft anymore because we have laws that stop them.

See how easy it all is?

But I think this time we need to really clamp down. I know it is already illegal to kill someone, rob someone, or to kidnap someone. But the laws would be much more effective if we make it illegal to use a gun to do so.

So, let's pass a law making it illegal to own guns. So what if there are fifty-million or so gun owners who have never used a gun to commit a crime. Screw them. Let's punish them right along with the guilty. And if they set an example by throwing out all their guns, I'm sure the crimals will also.

But why stop there? Let's also make it illegal to own steel. Anyone who owns steel could use it to make a gun to commit a crime.

And while we're at it, why not make it illegal to own a shovel? A person with a shovel could use the shovel to dig for iron ore which could be used to make steel to make a gun to commit a crime.

And why not outlaw wood? Wood could be used to make a shovel to dig for iron ore to make steel to make a gun to use in a crime.

That should solve everything.

Now I know that some people don't want to outlaw guns. They just want to make it harder for people who are going to commit a crime to get their hands on one. They want to pass laws so stringent that it would be as impossible for a person with criminal intent to get a gun as it is for a sixteen-year-old to get drugs, liquor, or stolen merchandise.

I'm all for it. I'm certain it will work. (Look how well The Brady Bill worked this time.)

So am I suggesting we just shrug off the problem with a "shit happens" attitude? Definitely not! This is far too serious and too symptomatic of our culture to ignore.

It is also far too serious for us to pretend we can solve this epidemic with methods that have failed repeatedly for countless centuries. Laws don't stop crimes. They only punish, sometimes, the perpitrators after the fact, and that's of damned little solace to dead victims or their families.

It's time for us to start finding a cure for the cause instead of attacking the method.